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Who will be posted to the position of Massachusetts Handicapper General?

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Who will be posted to the position of Massachusetts Handicapper General?
Topic: Science 9:17 pm EDT, Aug 12, 2008

For those who missed it on Slashdot, Massachusetts (the people terrified of LEDs) has stuck another victory blow for Luddites everywhere.

The Worcester Telegram & Gazette are reporting that a Mr. Victor Deeb, retired chemist has had his home raided by the Department of Environmental Protection because someone at the Fire Department got into a freaky panic fit after having come to deal with an accidental (and harmless) air-conditioner catching fire on the second floor of their home. Mr. Deeb's basement (which is where his lab is) spent three days entertaining DEP reps while they confiscated all of Mr. Deeb's lab equipment and supplies. The DEP says they found nothing any more dangerous than typical household cleaning products. The DEP says that basically, Mr. Deeb isn't getting any of this stuff back, either.

So, we've got this nice Fourth Amendment thing which protects us against unwarranted search and seizure and this is an excellent example of why you should make damn sure it's adhered to. Had Mr. Deeb objected, because the police and DEP did not have a search warrant, if said authorities had been brought before a judge, he might have gotten a fair shake and simply been asked to have someone from the DEP visit to have a look around to see that he's not say, pouring a bunch of lethal stuff down the sink unneutralized. Since he didn't stop them at the door, they were allowed to run amok in unthinking panic and basically empty his basement lab, which is probably going to set Mr. Deeb back a pretty penny indeed. (Aside: I would so sue them.)

Take look in the comments on the article. Someone signing off as "vmdeeb" has a pretty heavy-duty explanation of what Mr. Deeb was doing in his basement. While it's entirely possible it's just someone with a screw loose who posted that, it's also entirely plausible that Mr. Deeb himself was posting, explaining that he was doing research on ways to eliminate carcinogens from the environment. (Generally this would not involve germs, explosives, or anything even remotely toxic, especially considering you could buy these things containing these carcinogens in the toys section of your local Wal Mart.)

Here's the thing I find most horrifying about the article:

Pamela A. Wilderman, Marlboro’s code enforcement officer, said Mr. Deeb was doing scientific research and development in a residential area, which is a violation of zoning laws.

Apparently in Massachusetts, science has no place in the home. It confuses authorities and causes them to panic when confronted with anything more complex than screwing in a light bulb.

Ms. Wilderman goes on further to say even more horrifying things like:

"This is Mr. Deeb’s hobby. He’s still got bunches of ideas. I think Mr. Deeb has crossed a line somewhere. This is not what we would consider to be a customary home occupation."

Pardon me, but I was under the impression that the standard for search and seizure called for things like "suspicion of criminal activity" or "poses a clear and present danger" and so forth, which are both a long way indeed from "not a customary home occupation". God forbid anyone try and assess whether my apartment is "not a customary home occupation" because I could be up god only knows what kind of bizarre computing experiments here with all these spare computer parts. Oh well, at least he's still got his ideas--but that's likely because they can't execute a warrantless search and seizure inside someone's head for thinking deep thoughts.

Let me take a moment to tell you where this policy of "panic first, don't ask questions later" is going, people. It's going to result in the eventual addition of a post called "Handicapper General" being added to the government rolls. The "Handicapper General" reference I make is a job from a Kurt Vonnegut (and I suspect strongly that Mr. Vonnegut, considering what he wrote about, would be very behind this use of his work and consider it more than fair) story published in 1961 called "Harrison Bergeron" which you can find right here:

http://instruct.westvalley.edu/lafave/hb.html

I hope your headset is comfortable.

Who will be posted to the position of Massachusetts Handicapper General?



 
 
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