Olivia Wallace just wanted to make her friends laugh Friday morning. But the plucky 11-year-old suddenly found herself in a very painful situation - her tongue firmly frozen to a steel utility light pole.

And here I thought EVERYBODY has seen "A Christmas Story."

A Tongue, A Metal Pole, A Hard Lesson

A 2-month-old baby was hospitalized with a blood-alcohol level more than four times the legal limit for an adult driver, but medical officials said she was expected to recover.

Sad but true. How does one get a baby to digest that much alcohol? I suppose the amount needed would be much less than an adult, but still.

Baby Hospitalized With Blood-Alcohol Level of .364

A German man who was circumcised against his will during emergency penis surgery is suing his doctor for cash to rebuild his foreskin.

As a doctor, sometimes you just got to make a judgement call. All things being considered, who is right in this case?

Man Sues for New Foreskin

"Kevin Rose, founder of content aggregator Digg, knows about the iPhone, he's leaked a lot in a podcast which is up on YouTube, and he's nervous about Apple retribution. Rose says there will be two flash RAM iPhone models, 4GB (US$249) and 8GB (US$449), they'll have two batteries, they'll be very small, they'll have a slide out keyboard and they'll be compatible with all the main cellular technologies."

These could quite possibly be the world's nicest cellphones if they are anything like Apple's other products. Eight gigabytes of flash RAM on a phone with a slideable keyboard seems quite handy/practical to me.

Details on Apple's New iPhone

"City leaders have apologized after a program on Tempe's cable channel showed a white police officer telling two black men they could get out of a littering ticket by performing a rap. The officer then tells the men that they can avoid getting a littering ticket "if the two of you just do a little rap about - what do you want to do a rap about? Littering? About the dangers of littering." The two men agree, and each performs a short rap, laughing afterward. Leaders of chapters of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People and the National Action Network expressed outrage and demanded that the city act."

Now I'm not one for stereotypes, yada yada, but that is seriously some funny stuff!

Arizona Cop Had Black Men Rap Away Ticket

"A government economist has shed additional light on the U.S. congressional investigation into how tax law affects virtual economies."

“I’m really here wearing two hats. On the one hand I am a congressional staffer. But I’m also the Night Elf priest who works for Congress,” Miller told the State of Play/Terra Nova symposium at the New York Law School on Saturday."

Is it just me, or does it seem that since we've achieved a democratic majority, everybody's going tax happy? Internet sales, virtual goods, your tax shelter is no longer safe!

Details Emerge on U.S. Virtual World Tax Probe

"News wire service Reuters has added its name to a growing number of top shelf real businesses that are setting up shop in the fast growing online fantasy world creation of Linden Lab called Second Life. Reuters is setting up a virtual news bureau, that will report on the events that happen in Second Life as well as the real world, events that sometimes intersect both sets of realities."

Just when you thought you ALREADY heard too much news about Second Life, enter Reuters! This should actually prove to be rather interesting. Year by year, there seems to be more and more to cover within SL. I just hope the grid isn't going to be crawling with virtual reporters. So when is Industrial Memetics getting it's virtual corporate office?

Reuters Gets a Second Life

"A family is calling for more research into sudden death among young people as they claim a mobile phone ring may have sparked their daughter's death." ... Quote: "She was absolutely beautiful, so bubbly and full of fun."

They should make a horror movie about it, they could call it "The Ring"

Grim Reaper Goes Hi-Tech

"A secretive U.S. air force facility in Colorado Springs, Colo., tested a radio frequency this past week that it would use to communicate with first responders in the event of a homeland security threat. But the frequency also controls an estimated 50 million garage door openers, and hundreds of residents in the surrounding area found their garage doors had suddenly stopped working."

The Government pisses off everyone in different ways. If it hasn't gotten to you yet, just wait. It's planning something big just for you.

Secret Goverment Plan to Keep Everybody Home

"A local family's nativity is defaced with a pagan symbol. They found a pentagram on their baby Jesus figure Thursday morning. The words cult of the dead cow were left on a Merry Christmas sign. The phrase is usually tied to a group of Internet hackers."

These little antics are the only things that make me smile during the holiday season.

Baby Jesus Gets Tagged