Hahaha :)

David Sedaris: Bend Over and Say "Ah"....

Imagine how i feel.....my name has haunted me all my life and my mum used to punish me by readfing me tomato murdering stories. I used to wake up and see tomatoes looming over my bed........then i realized it was my mum! seriously, this website is the funniest thing i have ever seen!!! TOMATOES!!! yeh cos they have minds of their own, right, and they're out to kill everyone and take over the world!!!! and my mum has a red car (a beetle) which i cant even sit in. im going to go and leek my soul out to my teddy bear now.....urgh leeks. just as bad as tomatoes. and onions. they are all out to rule. watch your back!!!

a n t i t o m a t o

SATURN

ILLUSTRATED CHRONOLOGY
Saturn's First Eleven Years: April 1957 through April 1968

Wow.. I am friends with many of people that worked at AEDC/AAB on this very project... Love to hear the stories.. photos rock...

Saturn's First Eleven Years: April 1957 through April 1968

A University of Tennessee coed had a terrifying encounter when she found a convicted rapist hiding under her bed.

Police charged 31-year-old Jason Paul Tims with aggravated burglary.

Investigators said Tims snuck into the apartment of a UT Martin student, and hid under her bed until she fell asleep.

Then, police said Tims sat with the girl and ignored her commands to leave. Police said she eventually got Tims outside the apartment.

Wednesday morning, Tims was being held without bond.

Monster Under Bed Has New Meaning For College Student

Israeli police are on the lookout for a thief with a super-sized chocolate craving.

The robbers broke into a factory in the northern Israeli city of Haifa late Monday and walked away with nearly 100 tons of chocolate spread.

Police spokesman Micky Rosenfeld said such a large heist indicated it may have been an inside job and police were searching the area of any traces of the sweet stuff.

Moshe Veidberg, one of the company's owners, told the Israeli daily Yediot Ahronot it would require five large trucks to transport the stolen chocolate, which he valued at roughly $415,000.

He said the company's alarm system was deactivated and its surveillance footage stolen as well, leaving the fate of the creamy chocolate a mystery.

Police Searching For 100 Tons Of Stolen Chocolate

A woman accused of groping Santa Claus at a Connecticut mall won't have to serve any jail time if she stays out of trouble.

Sandrama Lamy has been sentenced under an accelerated rehabilitation program that will wipe her record clean if she completes two years of probation.

Danbury Superior Court Judge Susan Reynolds on Wednesday also ordered the 33-year-old to stay away from the Danbury Fair Mall.

In December, Lamy was charged with fourth-degree sexual assault and breach of peace for allegedly touching Santa inappropriately while sitting on his lap at the mall.

Woman Accused Of Groping Santa On Probation For Two Christmases

Google Inc.'s long-anticipated acquisition of online ad service DoubleClick Inc. is expected to turn the Internet search leader into an even more powerful marketing vehicle that's fueled by better insights about consumers.

The $3.1 billion deal, completed Tuesday after nearly a year of regulatory wrangling, also may intensify the pressure on Microsoft Corp. and Yahoo Inc. to resolve their stormy courtship so they don't risk further distractions while Google tries to sprint further ahead in the race for Internet advertising.

Google took control of DoubleClick a few hours after Europe's antitrust regulators removed the final stumbling block by approving a deal that was first announced 11 months ago.nullnullnullnullnullnull

Google Completes $3.1 Billion Takeover Of DoubleClick

Working in IT isn't always pretty. After all, we can't all work on the cutting-edge technologies all the time. Some of us have to get dirty -- in some cases, literally.

Unfortunately, dirty jobs -- whether you're being chained to a help desk, hacking 30-year-old code, finding yourself wedged between warring factions in the conference room, or mucking about in human effluvia -- are necessary to make nearly every organization tick. (Well, maybe not the human effluvia part.)

The good news? Master at least one of them, and you're pretty much guaranteed a job with somebody. We don't guarantee you'll like it, though.

Here are seven of the dirtiest jobs in IT, and why your organization needs them.

The 7 dirtiest jobs in IT

As its leadership has changed, so, too, has Microsoft. But I am never going to stop being skeptical of Microsoft’s motives.

Microsoft Chief Software Architect Ray Ozzie may profess that the company’s top priorities are transparency, standards and interoperability. But regardless of these kinds of pronouncements, the Softies seem to believe that insisting their actions are altruistic and customer-motivated — even when they are really motivated by lawsuit threats and other, less-palatable reasons — will fool its constituencies.

This is why I’ll always remain a Microsoft skeptic

Zenwalk, a Slackware-based slim-and-zippy distribution, released a major update last month. The release announcement listed some noticeable enhancements and promised the best support for Wi-Fi you can expect in any Linux distro. Excuse me for being skeptic, but one doesn't expect midget distros to be the best in any field. How well can a single-CD 469MB distro hold up against every other multi-GB DVD distro available today? As it turns out, Zenwalk manages to squeeze in a long list of open source wireless drivers, as well as the proprietary Intel wireless device firmware. Surprisingly Zenwalk 5.0 not only does things you don't expect from a single CD distro, it does them with ease and very little command-line sorcery.

Tiny Zenwalk 5.0 packs a big punch