1. I Am Legend - A massive budget, computer effects, and the Fresh Prince are always a surefire hit, bringing in $76.5 million. Now if someone could only explain why.

Because Will Smith is awesome, I guess. That being said, the trailers for this movie ruined it for me. I no longer really care. Fuckers.

2. Alvin and the Chipmunks - With a $45 million weekend, it's finally the definitive proof that there is no God. Or if there is, he loves shit-eating jokes, which might be worse.

Dear jesus. What the fuck, Jason Lee. I mean, yeah, you've made other bad choices, but seriously. I mean, really.

3. The Golden Compass - This weekend, America made an important choice: talking polar bears or talking chipmunks? In short, the polar bears lost, making only $9 million, and immediately blew it all on fish.

I wanted to see this even more than 1 and infinitely more than 2 or 4. But didn't. Meh.

4. Enchanted - Seriously, this is still making $6 million a weekend? How many talking animal movies is it going to take to knock this out of the top five?

Eat me Disney. I mean it.

5. No Country for Old Men - If you know how good the Coen Brothers' latest is, it will infuriate you to know that, with $3 million, it made 15 times less than Jason Lee's computer-animated castration.

sigh. no sigh is big enough. just, ugh.