Elonka wrote:
] ] It's difficult to say exactly how many of the 113
] ] million married Americans are too exhausted or too grumpy
] ] to get it on, but some psychologists estimate that 15 to
] ] 20 percent of couples have sex no more than 10 times a
] ] year, which is how the experts define sexless marriage.
] ] And even couples who don't meet that definition
] ] still feel like they're not having sex as often as
] ] they used to.
]
] Now the question is, are the numbers reflective of a change in
] sexuality from how things were a hundred years ago? Or are we
] just getting better statistics to prove something that already
] existed?

I think it's a little of both, actually..mostly a change in sexuality but also a little change in statistics. I will tell you that from personal experience, things change when you're married (or in my case, living together) and dual-income.. I come home from work absolutely exhausted, so does he.. and when we come home there are still things that need to be done... bills need to be paid, laundry needs to be done, errands need running.. it's all the little mundane things. I can tell you right now that I will be having sex on Saturday morning, that's "our time for sex". Before we were living together, and even after we were living together but before I started working too, it was at least 5 or 6 times a week. Now imagine being married and with children. We'll get down to once a month, maybe 6 times a year. Who knows, but I mean if I'm this exhausted now at 26 and without kids, imagine what it'll be like 5, 10 years from now? I think a lot of it has to do with a change in sexuality of how things were 100 years ago.

Then again, 100 years ago, sex was a taboo subject, you couldn't talk about this! Even 50 years ago, sex was considered a "wifely duty" but as the article mentioned, women became unashamed and in control of their sexuality! Go women!!!! But along with women being in control came women being in control of their careers, women were working, they realized that they were not put on this earth merely to bear and raise children and that that was okay. Along with that came the exhaustion of working full-time.

I think also our statistics are better, as people become more willing to talk about a previously taboo subject, they are more willing to answer such questions honestly. So it's possible that this problem has always existed.. not to this degree, of course... 50 years ago I'm sure women were too exhausted for sex but they were less likely to say "no" than they are today.

jessica wrote:
] ] Now the question is, are the numbers reflective of a change in
] ] sexuality from how things were a hundred years ago? Or are we
] ] just getting better statistics to prove something that already
] ] existed?
]
] I think it's a little of both, actually..mostly a change in
] sexuality but also a little change in statistics.

I think another factor that needs to be included, is the difference between sex with a partner and, um, "solo sex" (can I say masturbation without setting off porn filters?)

The married folks that I've talked to about this still have a frequency of sex which is a few times a week, even though only one of those sessions might be with their spouse (and the rest are solo). So an interesting question would be: Is it not the quantity of sex that's decreased, but the percentage of sex *with a partner*? This might point to some interesting data about the difference between natural ebb and flow of biological rhythms, vs. the sense that "good" sex involves more energy because it needs a higher degree of athleticism or involvement?

Elonka wrote:
] jessica wrote:
] ] ] Now the question is, are the numbers reflective of a
] change in
] ] ] sexuality from how things were a hundred years ago? Or
] are we
] ] ] just getting better statistics to prove something that
] already
] ] ] existed?
] ]
] ] I think it's a little of both, actually..mostly a change in
] ] sexuality but also a little change in statistics.
]
] I think another factor that needs to be included, is the
] difference between sex with a partner and, um, "solo sex" (can
] I say masturbation without setting off porn filters?)
]
] The married folks that I've talked to about this still have a
] frequency of sex which is a few times a week, even though only
] one of those sessions might be with their spouse (and the rest
] are solo). So an interesting question would be: Is it not
] the quantity of sex that's decreased, but the percentage of
] sex *with a partner*? This might point to some interesting
] data about the difference between natural ebb and flow of
] biological rhythms, vs. the sense that "good" sex involves
] more energy because it needs a higher degree of athleticism or
] involvement?

Now it's a question of "quality" rather than "quantity". I know that there are times when I need it and he's tired, and so I "deal with the situation". And vice versa. I'm sure a LOT of couples could say the same. It would be interesting to see a study about that...

Elonka wrote:
] ] It's difficult to say exactly how many of the 113
] ] million married Americans are too exhausted or too grumpy
] ] to get it on, but some psychologists estimate that 15 to
] ] 20 percent of couples have sex no more than 10 times a
] ] year, which is how the experts define sexless marriage.
] ] And even couples who don't meet that definition
] ] still feel like they're not having sex as often as
] ] they used to.
]
] Now the question is, are the numbers reflective of a change in
] sexuality from how things were a hundred years ago? Or are we
] just getting better statistics to prove something that already
] existed?

I think it's a little of both, actually..mostly a change in sexuality but also a little change in statistics. I will tell you that from personal experience, things change when you're married (or in my case, living together) and dual-income.. I come home from work absolutely exhausted, so does he.. and when we come home there are still things that need to be done... bills need to be paid, laundry needs to be done, errands need running.. it's all the little mundane things. I can tell you right now that I will be having sex on Saturday morning, that's "our time for sex". Before we were living together, and even after we were living together but before I started working too, it was at least 5 or 6 times a week. Now imagine being married and with children. We'll get down to once a month, maybe 6 times a year. Who knows, but I mean if I'm this exhausted now at 26 and without kids, imagine what it'll be like 5, 10 years from now? I think a lot of it has to do with a change in sexuality of how things were 100 years ago.

Then again, 100 years ago, sex was a taboo subject, you couldn't talk about this! Even 50 years ago, sex was considered a "wifely duty" but as the article mentioned, women became unashamed and in control of their sexuality! Go women!!!! But along with women being in control came women being in control of their careers, women were working, they realized that they were not put on this earth merely to bear and raise children and that that was okay. Along with that came the exhaustion of working full-time.

I think also our statistics are better, as people become more willing to talk about a previously taboo subject, they are more willing to answer such questions honestly. So it's possible that this problem has always existed.. not to this degree, of course... 50 years ago I'm sure women were too exhausted for sex but they were less likely to say "no" than they are today.