The Vatican on Tuesday issued a "Ten Commandments" for motorists to keep them on the road to salvation, warning drivers against the sins of road rage, abuse of alcohol or even simple rudeness.
Cardinal Renato Martino, who heads the office, told a news conference the Vatican felt it necessary to address the pastoral needs of motorists because driving has become such a big part of contemporary life.
I'm not making this up.
And it suggested prayer might come in handy performing the sign of the cross before starting off and saying the rosary along the way. The rosary was particularly well-suited to recitation by all in the car, it said, since its "rhythm and gentle repetition does not distract the driver's attention."
What's wrong with a steady stream of ear melting rock n' roll? Rhythm is good, but I'm not always in the mood for gentle. Thanks Cardinal, but I'll continue to opt for shouting Rolling Stones lyrics over saying the Hail Mary.
I think this puts it well:
"Overtaking is a sin? Well, then I'm a murderer, I'll turn myself in immediately," quipped movie director Dino Risi, whose classic film "The Easy Life" "Il Sorpasso," or "The Overtaking" ends with a car crash.
"I think the Vatican has lost its marbles," he added, according to the ANSA news agency.
And with no further delay, here are the Drivers 10 Commandments:
The “Drivers’ Ten Commandments,” as listed in the document:
1. You shall not kill.
2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.
3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.
4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.
5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.
6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.
7. Support the families of accident victims.
8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.
9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.
10. Feel responsible toward others.
So I can't have sex in my car? I refuse to acknowledge that.
Well, ok then. I'm making my own Drivers 10 Commandments. And having such a high opinion of myself, I expect others to follow them...
1) Thou shalt get the fuck out of the way.
2) Thou shalt not stay in the left lane when there is open space in the right lane.
3) Thou shalt always leave enough space on ones' right to get by when making a left at an intersection.
4) Thou shalt not violate the sanctity of others lanes.
5) Thou shalt use turn signals.
6) Thou shalt not start driving like an idiot the second a rain drop or snow flake falls.
7) Thou shalt respect the velocity preferences of others.
8) Thou shalt obey the every-other rule when merging in slow traffic.
9) Thou shalt maintain a reasonable following distance at all times.
10) Thou shalt use high-beams with prudence.