John Ashcroft's Patriot Act Summer Tour

Summer Tour 8/27/03

] "You drink tap water? Are you crazy?" asks a 21-year-old
] radio producer from the Chicago area. "I only drink
] bottled water." In a trendy nightclub in New York City,
] the bartender tells guests they can only be served
] bottled water, which costs $5 for each tiny pint
] container. One outraged clubber is stopped by the
] restroom attendant as she tries to refill the bottle from
] the tap. "You can't do that," says the attendant. "New
] York's tap water isn't safe."

Hartford Advocate: What's in your Bottled Water?

Here it is....

Burningman Bingo

] On Friday August 23rd 2002 Zac "Mr Magnet" Monro, 2001
] AGWC Champ and meek mild mannered architect from London,
] won the 7th Annual Air Guitar World Championship held in
] Oulu, Finland.

RAWK!

Air Guitar World Championships

] On March 6, 2000, he underwent a relatively new procedure
] in which cells known as stem cells were transplanted onto
] the surface of his right eye in the hope they would
] replace the scar tissue that made a cornea transplant
] impossible. May's left eye had too much damage to be
] repaired.

another reason to support this pandora's box known as stem cell research. Amazing how we are learning to hack the brain by reverse engineering it's sensory systems.

Vision is more than just sight, scientists learn

] It takes a lot to attract attention with a new car in
] Monterey, where a Ferrari on the street rarely warrants a
] second glance. But Bugatti was able to do just that with
] its new super car.

0-180 in 14 seconds. Start saving now.

MSN Autos - 2003 Pebble Beach Concours d'Elegance

2003 Darwin Awards
In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin
Awards,here they are. The awards this year are, once again, truly
classic.

These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that
individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the
most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Just
think... until these events, these same people were walking the
streets like normal people.

5th RUNNER-UP:
Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he hit a lift
tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on
a foam pad. The 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central
Mammoth Hospital.

The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's
department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski
run called Stump alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift
towers, said Lt. Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Dept. The
pads are used to protect skiers who might hit towers. The group
apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed
into a tower. It has since been investigated and determined the tower
he hit was the one with its pad removed.

4th RUNNER-UP:
Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St.
Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo
grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without
paying. Police found him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics
removed the six-inch wiener from his throat where it had choked him to
death.

3rd RUNNER-UP:
Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag standing
above him on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell
on him.

2nd RUNNER-UP:
"Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia party (probably
related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used the .22
bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a blasting cap
into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his
lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the
blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl.
M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and
was trying to explode it." "It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll
show you how to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit down and it
blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne said.
Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive
facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area
Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like
that," Payne said.

1st RUNNER-UP:
Doctors at Portland University Hospita... [ Read More (0.4k in body) ]

2003 Darwin Awards

] Prolific singer/songwriter Wesley Willis has passed away
] at the age of 40. No cause of death has been announced
] yet, but it is assumed that it was from complications
] from the surgery Willis went through last year to supress
] internal bleeding. Click READ MORE for the full
] announcement [taken from the Alternative Tentacles News
] Page].

It's a sad day in Rock and Roll.

Punknews.org | Wesley Willis dead at 40

] Yo yo yo, word up! Now you can dress up the Whigger in a
] dope selection of jammin' threads! Jus pull them to da
] man with yo mouse and day snap right inta place. BOOYA!
] And check out the Whigger Wear! It's da bomb! Word to yo
] mutha.

WiggerDressUp.com

] Christian pastors here at Landover Baptist thought their
] tireless efforts to warn Americans about the carefully
] disguised homosexual agenda targeting toddlers through
] Disney cartoons was working. They thought that since
] President George W. Bush, a devout Christian who attends
] a Bible church regularly and believes in the same
] three-headed God (Father, Son, and flying side-kick, The
] Holy Ghost) took office, that Americans were finally
] waking up. Our pastors took for granted that Americans
] understood that Jesus is not above sending little
] children straight to Hell for watching cartoons. It
] wasn't until Pastor Deacon Fred heard that millions of
] American children were being lured like zombies in a
] trance to see the new Disney film, Finding Nemo, that he
] decided to speak out against it.
]
] "Walt Disney would be spinning in his grave if he knew
] his animation studios were full of giggling homosexuals,
] doodling and talking about silly colors and little
] fishies for their latest film," said Pastor Deacon Fred
] last Sunday. "But as we all know, Walt Disney never made
] it to Heaven. Although he hated Jews almost as much as
] the Apostle Paul did, he never took the time to accept
] Jesus Christ as his personal savior. So Mr. Disney is
] burning in Hell right now and God melted his eyes right
] out of his head.

I *love* Landover Baptist Church! One of the all-time greatest spoof sites I've seen.

Children are Finding Nemo Instead of Finding Jesus, and the Homos at Disney are to Blame!