Now that Paris Hilton is settling into her expected 23-day stay in jail for transgressions against mankind, one can only hope that her stay in the pokey will erase, or at least dilute, the delusional and masochistic qualities that seem to swarm in her DNA.

On the red carpet, here's what Paris told us: "I feel like the media portrays me in a way that I'm not."

Huh? How's that?

Oh, you mean the sex tapes? Or the party tapes featuring Paris spewing ugly racial and homophobic epithets? Or did she mean the let's-humiliate-Lindsay Lohan "firecrotch" tape? Or was it the new season of "The Simple Life" in which the opening episode featured her and Nicole Richie as camp counselors at a so-called "Fat Camp" where they squealed in seeming delight as they administered enemas to overweight campers?

...

And served a softball, [Sarah Silverman] cranked her bat like a propeller and knocked it out of the park. After announcing that Paris was going to jail, a roar of cheers went up from the crowd as Paris squirmed in her seat. And then came Silverman's crack of the bat. "As a matter of fact, I heard that to make her feel more comfortable in prison, the guards are going to paint the bars to look like penises."

How America turned a dumb blond who likes to do amateur porn into a star is anyones guess. Nice to see things in perceptive every now and again.

[ You'll note, however, that we're still talking about her, which is all it takes.

I don't think it's anyone's guess at all. It's pretty clear how this all came to be, and it's mostly depressing.

(pedant note, I believe you meant "perspective" ;) -k]

Paris and Prison