Thinking it was about my stolen wallet, I let the mid-40s, ripe-bellied officers into my apartment, the whole time thinking, 'Wow, your wallet gets stolen in Denmark and the cops visit to make sure you're OK. The service.' After they sat down in the kitchen, I asked what was up, and was told, 'Well, you stole a credit card and ordered a bunch of shit online. And we know about it.'
'What? Wait. Wait. What. What?!' I said. 'Can we do this in English? I thought you just said I stole a credit card.'
'Your Danish is fine,' the dough-faced one said in Danish. 'We know you stole it, we know what you did. We're here to take your computer.'
'My computer, why?'
'We traced the transaction back to the wireless network in this apartment.'
'But we have an open wireless connection. It's unsecured.'
'The internet doesn't work that way.'
'What? Wait. What?'
This conversation repeated itself three or four times, and somehow moved into the bedroom, in front of my laptop.