* Chuck Norris does not mark to market. The market marks to Chuck.

* Chuck Norris does not go bankrupt. Chuck Norris ruptures banks.

* Source of hedge fund survivorship bias?: Funds that pay Chuck Norris 2 and 20 survive; others don’t.

* Private equity: Chuck Norris does not believe in leverage. Chuck Norris believes in crowbars.

* Investment banking: No-one defers Chuck Norris’s compensation.

* Capital structure: No-one subordinates Chuck Norris. All his equity is preferred.

* If Chuck Norris devised the bank stress tests, not even the Treasury Department would survive.

Chuck Norris & Finances