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News about Ender's Game: The Movie


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News about Ender's Game: The Movie
Topic: Miscellaneous 2:48 pm EST, Feb 18, 2004

[Harris already knew Ender's Game well; Dougherty only read it in preparation for this assignment. "That's an ideal combination," said Card. "One of the team is absolutely familiar with the elements of the story that the most committed fans will expect to see, while the other will be able to make sure it isn't just a movie for people who already love the book.]

Ahhh yes, lets look at some other great Hollywood momments where they want to make sure the movie isn't "just for fans of the book".

At Disney:
SW1: Wow, Robert Louis Stevenson's Treasure Island. what an amazing piece of literature! Lets start out by..

SW2: [INTERRUPTING] Yeah... if you live in the 1800's. So I'm thinking ships, a pair of aliens that are always hitting each other, and .... no wait, get this!... ROBOTS! In fact, lets get rid of the whole island thing... and make it a...

Marketing: Talking piece of cheese?

SW2: NO! a whole Planet!. With Cartoons! A naked-Jessica Rabit-meets-StarTrek-but-not-campy-planet! Thats what we'll call it: Naked Planet!

Marketing: Hmmm I like it I like it.... but lets change the whole thing. And we _have_ to call it Treasure Planet!

SW2: Yeah Treasure Planet! A kind of Judy-Garland-on-drugs-meets-drunken-Brando-orgie-of-killing.

Marketing: With a dog. Kids like Dogs. And we have to cast Paris Hilton. So we can all nail her. [drools]

SW1: uhhhhh....Guys? The books is about pirates... and gold. We have the chance to get kids interested in reading older books. I mean this tale is really a beautiful story about the coming of age of a boy who...

SW2: [INTERRUPTS] FINE! killing robot _PIRATES_, who ... like gold?

Marketing: No! Make them _Golden_ Robot pirates... it will make a great Cereal Tie in. "Kelloggs Golden Robots!" We'll be showering in money for weeks! While nailing Paris Hilton!

SW2: Yeah! Hilton can play the Kids mom! She needs an operation, but the kid is poor, and so he has to kill all the golden robots and melt them down!

Marketing: How about, the mom needs her fillings replaced! Gold fillings will bring in the "Urban" crowd.

SW1: ... While we are at it, why don't we just hook up a generator to RLS' corpse and generate electricity from the spinning?

Marketing: Oh No, no way! Corpses didn't test well with the focus groups. Lets make it ... a spinning piece of cheese! Kraft will be busting down our door!

SW2: Yeah! And the Cheese can give advice! ... Like Jimminy Cricket!

I mean come on, Besides LOTR, and possibly Silence of the Lambs, they _ALWAYS_ fuck up the movies.

News about Ender's Game: The Movie

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