] Russia has sent in the army to bolster a week-long
] struggle to rescue 10 tons of beer trapped under Siberian
] ice

When asked what the point of this was, the rotund Colonel Simpson is rumored to to have responded "mmmmm... beer..."

Homer Simpson Is A Russkie!

] Tests by Danish and American experts indicate there is no
] chemical warfare agent in mortar shells unearthed last
] week in southern Iraq

So, just to make sure I have this right, we haven't found any WMDs, the inspectors didn't find any WMDs and in fact, we've even pulled the people LOOKING for the WMDs out of Iraq?

I'm not going to dispute the fact that Saddam was a bad guy and that his kids were total psychos, but the purported reason we blew this stuff up is bullshit. That being the case, why did we REALLY go to war there?

Yahoo! News - Tests Show No Agent in Iraq Mortar Shells

I came across this after seeing that the QM2 had set sail on it's maiden voyage. It seems the best known of the three wasn't the only one to end up on the sea bottom, just the best known.

] Titanic was the middle ship of the three new
] super-liners. Her older sister, Olympic, served as a
] reliable member of the White Star fleet until she was
] scrapped in 1935 after striking and sinking the famous
] Nantucket lightship off the eastern cost of the United
] States. Her younger sister, Britannic, met a fate similar
] to that of Titanic during World War I when she struck a
] German mine off the coast of Greece and sank in less than
] an hour. Britannic was originally to be named Gigantic,
] but further reference to size in the wake of the Titanic
] disaster was thought by White Star to go against public
] sentiment.

Titanic.com - The ship

] O'Neill charged that Bush entered office in January 2001
] intent on invading Iraq and was in search of a way to go
] about it.

WMDs? 9/11? Seems that's just the excuse. I think I want to see the rest of this one.

Revenge!

] But the AFL-CIO labor federation said Bush's proposals
] would create an "underclass" of foreign workers and
] "exacerbate the decline in job quality and job security
] for all workers."

Hmmm... sounds about right to me...

Yahoo! News - Bush Asks Congress for New Immigration Rules

] Dear Paul Bremer,
]
] I feel your pain. I, too, have tried to topple dictators,
] usurp power, and occupy foreign nations while trying to
] steel domestic support for military intervention.

Go interesting places!
Meet interesting people!
And kill them!

McSweeney's Internet Tendency: Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond

] Essentially, employees would be working more hours for
] the same pay.

Gotta love when the LABOR Department is showing companies how to pay their workers less.

Yahoo! News - AP: U.S. Offers Tips on Cutting OT Costs

Horrors! They don't let in children? How awful!

Is it really any wonder this is where John Ashcroft comes from?

Yahoo! News - City Officials Say Haunted House Rated X

] The mother of a man who killed three co-workers before
] shooting himself in a workplace rampage has asked the
] company to compensate her for her son's death because it
] occurred at work,

Huh? Gee, Mrs. Jones, Your son shot himself at work, therefore we should pay death damages to you because HE KILLED HIMSELF. Oh, and he KILLED THE PEOPLE HE WORKED WITH.

To borrow something from a recent FCC ruling, she's out of her fucking mind.

Leaps of Logic That Need a Parachute...

] "This cloying by various television reporters for the
] right to interview the slut du jour just becomes kind of
] a silly joke, something out of `Saturday Night Live (news
] - Y! TV),'" Safer said at a panel discussion arranged by
] the National Television Academy.

Damn Morley, tell us how you REALLY feel! LOL!

Yahoo! News - '60 Minutes' Stars Rip Celeb Interviews