ryan is the supernicety wrote:
] ] She cites another example. In September 2002, The Onion
] ] ran a piece called, "Al-Qaida Allegedly Engaging in
] ] Telemarketing." The piece told of the terrorist
] ] organization's nefarious plan to raise funds through
] ] various phone scams. It also showed screenshots of a
] ] videotape the CIA had uncovered in which al-Qaida's
] ] second in command, Ayman Al-Zawahiri, is seen with a
] ] headset, presumably tricking an unsuspecting victim.
] ]
] ] Thus, upon seeing the story, the Branch County sheriff's
] ] department in Coldwater, Michigan, which had been
] ] investigating telemarketing scams targeting the elderly,
] ] issued an urgent press release.
] ]
] ] "In the course of this investigation, it was learned that
] ] this is going on throughout the United States, and some
] ] of these telemarketing programs are believed to be
] ] operated by al-Qaida," the release stated. "The CIA has
] ] announced that they acquired a videotape showing al-Qaida
] ] members making phone solicitations for vacation home
] ] rentals, long-distance telephone service, magazine
] ] subscriptions and other products."

If you see it posted on the internet, it MUST be true!
Bahahahahahahahaha... I like the Onion even more now than before.

RE: Wired News: Onion Taken Seriously, Film at 11

Awful News...

FALLBROOK, Califorina (AP) -- -- The elderly parents of Grammy-winning recording artist "Weird Al" Yankovic were found dead in their home, apparently victims of carbon monoxide poisoning, officials said.

Nick and Mary Yankovic were found dead Friday in their suburban San Diego home by relatives who were worried because they had not seen the couple in a while, said sheriff's Sgt. Conrad Grayson.

Paramedics found Nick Yankovic, 86, in a chair in the front living room. His 81-year-old wife was on the bathroom floor.

'Weird Al' Yankovic's parents found dead

What was that line from the Monster.com ad from a few years ago? "I want to claw my way up to middle management" :-/

“I thought I was too much of a jerk to ever be replaced,” said Joe Morphy, an unemployed manager. “I figured they could never find anybody who combined my total indifference to employees’ well-being with my astonishingly high level of dishonesty. But they found some guy in Asia willing to be a bigger asshole than me for one-tenth of my salary.”

The crappy manager has been a fixture of the American corporate landscape for many years. Executive MBA programs and a smarmy business culture produced a class of managers capable of doing great damage even when under tight time constraints. Analysts have long believed that no other nation had the expertise and drive to achieve implosions on the scale of Enron or WorldCom. But, many developing nations think they can achieve US levels of awfulness if they focus their resources properly.

Professor Rajiv Mehta of the Indian Institute of Management in Bangalore boasts his school is “as out of touch and unrealistic as the best MBA programs in America.” Many of the faculty cut their teeth on driving US high tech companies into the ground. “Management incompetence is a skill like any other,” says Mehta. “It can be taught and fostered to the point where a high level of expertise is attained.”

BB Spot: Lousy Managers Are Next Outsourcing Trend

This Week's Onion Must Read...

"Capable of navigating the billions of thoughts, experiences, and emotions that make up the human psyche, the new Yahoo soul-search engine helps users find what's deep inside them quickly and easily," Yahoo CEO Terry Semel said. "All those long, difficult nights of pondering your place in this world are a thing of the past." In the past, a soul search was a labor-intensive and time-consuming process.

"A soul search often required backpacking trips across Europe, disastrous long-term relationships with incompatible lovers, and years of expensive therapy, "Worse, the search process often included depression, lowered self-worth, and intense doubt." Semel called the old way of seeking clarity "a logistical nightmare."

Onion : Yahoo Lauches Soul Search Engine

Someone is gonna get hurt (badly). That guy with the frozen smile kills me. Is anyone really stupid enough to buy this stuff? Apparently, I'm in the wrong business.

Molly’s husband Carl has been less enthusiastic about sex. At first, Molly thought he was less attracted to her. When she finally got up the nerve to talk to him about it, however, she found out that Carl has been having issues problems gaining the confidence to perform in bed. Carl longs for the days when he was younger and his erections seemed fuller, stronger, and firmer.

A decline in erection quality is normal over time. Just as women begin to enter their sexual peak, often we men find our performance ability and erection quality falling behind. Unfortunately, the women in our lives don’t always understand that. They may think it’s due to a lack of attraction or, worse, they may want to “talk about it.” And we all know, all the talk in the world can’t bring back firmer erections.

If you find yourself longing for the firm, full erections you once enjoyed, Enzyte may be able to help. Its unique formula is specially blended to provide men with maximum health benefits without unnecessary risks.

*These statements have not been reviewed by the Food and Drug Administration, and individual results may vary. Enzyte should be taken as part of a healthy lifestyle and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

If I ever see another Enzyte commercial....

We have some of the finest examples of humanity here in middle TN. If he were my neighbor, he would have some new .40 caliber holes in him...
NASHVILLE, Tennessee (AP) -- A man was arrested on charges of killing his neighbor's 17-year-old dog by place-kicking it like a football.

Chad Daniel Crawford, 23, was charged with cruelty to animals and vandalism Tuesday in the death of Gizmo, a 2-pound miniature Yorkshire terrier. Crawford was freed on $25,000 bail.

Jalani Lewis said he was in his apartment complex when he saw one of three men holding the dog like a football and then saw Crawford kick the animal.

Lewis said the dog flew through the air in a high arc, hit the pavement and rolled under a parked car. The dog was apparently dead when it hit the ground and the men were laughing, Lewis said

Man charged with fatally kicking dog like a football

Bang a gong... Get it on...

CHICAGO, Illinois (AP) -- Contrary to some research, frequent sexual activity does not increase the risk of developing prostate cancer and might even reduce the danger, a study of nearly 30,000 men found.

Study finds frequent sex may cut cancer risk

bucy wrote:
] ] Voters in Inglewood, Calif., a racially diverse and
] ] economically struggling suburb of Los Angeles, soundly
] ] rejected on Tuesday a ballot initiative to permit
] ] construction of a Wal-Mart complex that would have
] ] exempted the 60-acre development from virtually all local
] ] oversight.
]
] Yay.

The same economic ideology that has made Wal Mart a retail giant is what has led to offshore outsourcing. The cheapest product almost always wins regardless of other factors.

Hey America, listen up... WHEN YOU PAY FOR QUALITY, YOU DO GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR! Just say no to Wal Mart and other corporate giants destroying the viability of small business.

RE: California Voters Reject Wal-Mart Initiative

Awesome new not-for-the-kiddies animated series on SciFi

Seen Tripping the Rift yet?

flynn23 wrote:
] How do you wreck turning into a corner too early?

Hello, State Farm? You're never gonna believe what just happened...

RE: How not to drive a Lamborghini