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Current Topic: Humor

Topic: Humor 6:04 pm EDT, Jun 20, 2006

Funny movie about an Indian call center.


USATODAY | Mortgage rate indicator reinforces end of world fears
Topic: Humor 9:09 am EDT, Jun  6, 2006

Borrowing costs on 30-year fixed-rate mortgages, excluding fees, averaged 6.66%, up 0.05 percentage point from the previous week, and matching a four-year high touched two weeks ago.

Booga booga! Happy 6/6/6.

This morning, I hacked into the hotline that connects George Bush and God. God said the rapture is scheduled to start at roughly noon. Bush politely thanked her for letting him know several months in advance so he didn't have to worry about his polling numbers while getting things prepared.

Cthulu should appear on the east coast around 10am. Around 11am it should be revealed that Santa Clause is in fact Satan, and that most of the living population already sold their souls to the devil before even having pubes. It looks to be an exciting day!

The rapture is expected to include roughly six people, all within the very small number of remote tribes that have had limited contact with the rest of the world. After that point, the housing bubble is expected to pop, the hurricane season is going to start producing major storms, and a whole host of other nasty things. Due to budget constraints, and the delays in the normalization of the Middle East, the apocalypse and the following thousand years of peace has been delayed until further notice.

Remember, you heard it here first!

USATODAY | Mortgage rate indicator reinforces end of world fears

Airline Pilot Central - FedEx arrivals during Thunderstorms
Topic: Humor 5:15 pm EDT, May  9, 2006

Time lapse radar track of FedEx aircraft arriving into the Memphis hub during area thunderstorms.

Airline Pilot Central - FedEx arrivals during Thunderstorms

A Meditation On the Speed Limit - Google Video
Topic: Humor 10:52 pm EST, Feb 27, 2006

Bunch of jackass college students get on I285 in Atlanta and actually do the speed limit. Fortunately, even though there were almost several accidents, no one was hurt.

What an amazing act of civil obedience.

A Meditation On the Speed Limit - Google Video

New Jersey slogans
Topic: Humor 2:39 pm EST, Nov 15, 2005

Make us a slogan we can't refuse, the state of New Jersey said. We got your slogan right here, the people replied.

Here were a few of the suggestions from the CNN article:

"New Jersey: You Got a Problem With That?"
"NJ: How You Doin'?!"
"Most of Our Elected Officials Have Not Been Indicted."
"New Jersey: We'll Win You Over" (ed: That one cost $260,000)
"Get Away, Without Going Far Away"
From Ol' Blue Eyes to the Boss: Jersey Is Singing Your Song."
"Born to Fun."
"Bada Bing! Choose New Jersey"
"New Jersey: It Always Smells Like This"
"New Jersey: Come Glow With Us"

Too much Sopranos. Here are a few of my own:

"New Jersey: Everything is cool, really. Just don't drink the water in Ocean County."
"New Jersey: Our police force looks forward to meeting you."
"New Jersey: The authority on government corruption."
"New Jersey: The Diner and Mall capital of the world."
"New Jersey: A nice place if you have money."
"New Jersey: Less traffic than LA."
"New Jersey: Where you don't pump your own gas."
"New Jersey: The Statue of Liberty is OURS."
"New Jersey: The largest chemical producer in the United States."
"New Jersey: Home of the nations oldest beer brewery."
"New Jersey: Rated better than Lebanon."
"New Jersey: We'll make you into a man, or kill you."
"New Jersey: Nothing is illegal here as long as you don't get caught."
"New Jersey: The home of pork roll."
"New Jersey: The opposite of Texas."
"New Jersey: The only state with it's own version of the devil."
"New Jersey: Where counties are considered metropolitan areas."
"New Jersey: Birthplace of the electric guitar, sound recording, movies, the light bulb, telephone, radio broadcast, and the commercial nuclear reactor."
"New Jersey: Because Jack Nicholson, Bruce Springsteen, Alan Ginsberg, Alexander Hamilton, Grover Cleveland, Woodrow Wilson, Walt Whitman, Jerry Lewis, Bruce Willis, Caesar Romero, Ice-T, Danny DeVito, Joe Pesci, Joe Piscopo, Paul Simon, John Travolta, Dave Thomas, Ray Liotta, and Frank Sinatra make up for Bon Jovi, Tom Cruise, Robert Blake, Meryl Streep, and Sebastian Bach."

I could go on...

New Jersey slogans

Doonesbury@Slate - Mier's Strips
Topic: Humor 6:15 pm EDT, Oct 29, 2005

Harriet, we hardly knew ye. The following week of strips on the planned confirmation hearings for Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers were intended for publication beginning Monday, October 31st. Rendered obsolete by the announcement of her withdrawal from consideration on Thursday the 27th, they are nonetheless presented below for your reading pleasure. Next week's strips will be repeats.

Gary Trudeau had to pull next week's Miers strips following her pullout. Here are the Doonesbury strips that could have been.

Doonesbury@Slate - Mier's Strips

Weather Warfare - Best Conspiracy Theory of 2005
Topic: Humor 11:04 pm EDT, Sep 23, 2005

Since Katrina, Stevens has been in newspapers across the country where he was quoted in an Associated Press story as saying the Yakuza Mafia used a Russian-made electromagnetic generator to cause Hurricane Katrina in a bid to avenge the atomic bomb attack on Hiroshima. He was a guest on Coast to Coast, a late night radio show that conducts call-in discussions on everything from bizarre weather patterns to alien abductions. On Wednesday, Stevens was interviewed by Fox News firebrand Bill O'Reilly.

Woah. I don't even know where to begin. I'm feeling a little lost here. I love a good conspiracy theory. I like to share them, like jokes. Every telling, there is always critique, and usually someone comes up with a good idea to add to them.

The Yakuza Mafia using Russian-made weather manipulation equipment? That's unique. The Russian technology angle makes sense to me. The Yakuza angle sounds good too, but using Bin Laden as an actor seems more reasonable. This might simply be because I like the image of him sitting on his magic carpet floating in the sky and controlling the weather. Its more amusing. The Hiroshima motivation thing seems a little thick.. Of course, my idea is weakened by the fact that, to the best of our knowledge, Bin Laden does not have a magic carpet.

No matter which way you look at it, this conspiracy theory needs development. In this day and age any conspiracy theory has to involve the Bush family, and if at all possible, Skull and Bones. Every conspiracy theory needs a masonic tie-in. Its mandatory, and that's clean way to do it. The nature of this one does not require brining in the second coming of Christ, aliens, or the end of the world. This one is clearly geo-political in nature.

At several points recently when discussing the government's response to Katrina, I've joked that the intelligence agencies could not have prevented the hurricane, leaving them off the hook for once. Well, maybe I was wrong.

"There's a chess game going on in the sky," Stevens said. "It affects each and every one of us. It is the one common thread that binds us all together."

"The Soviets boasted of their geoengineering capabilities; these impressive accomplishments must be taken at face value simply because we are observing weather events that simply have never occurred before, never!" Stevens wrote on his Web site. "The evidence of these weapons at work found within the clouds overhead is simply unmistakable. These patterns and odd geometric shapes seen in our skies, each and every day, are clear and present evidence that our weather has been stolen from us, only to be used by those whose designs for humanity are rarely in alignment with that of the common man."

So maybe he is nuts. I think he should be supported in his research. Why not? I've been nuts before, and I've come up with some pretty good ideas when going nuts. I think his progress should be documented. It could be interesting. Entertaining at the very least. Who knows? He might just wind up saving the world.

All of you watching the news tracking Rita, just close your eyes, and picture Collin Powell presenting this guy's research in front of the UN Security Council. If there is nothing you can do, laughing in the face of disaster isn't that bad of an approach.

Weather Wars Website by Scott Stevens

Weather Warfare - Best Conspiracy Theory of 2005

Map: Refineries in the path of Rita (GIF)
Topic: Humor 11:32 pm EDT, Sep 21, 2005

Almost all of the south-eastern oil refineries that were not in the path of Katrina are in the path of Rita. This is further proof that Bin Laden has a weather machine and he is using it against America.

Think I'm crazy? Well, if I'm crazy, than the Bush Administration is crazy too! They know about the weather machine!

In a previous briefing, Secretary of State Colin Powell described the alleged weather machine as "capable of massive weather disruption through use of Unmanned Aerial Vehicles (UAV's). These UAV's disperse snow-generating chemicals pollutants into the clouds..." said Powell. Powell described this as "a material breach of UN Resolutions." Today Colin Powell will present further evidence today that Iraq is evading inspectors by moving the massive weather-disrupting satellite dishes to remote locations, sometimes just hours before inspector visits.

I think this proves once and for all that there was an Iraq/al-Qaida connection...

Stop laughing! No one will be laughing when this slams into the coast of Texas...

Map: Refineries in the path of Rita (GIF) - Flame Warriors
Topic: Humor 4:57 am EDT, Jul 14, 2005

This little internet Flame Warrior guide does not pretend to be comprehensive, rather it attempts to describe some of the main belligerents one might encounter in a mailing list, news group, bulletin board or chat room. The internet can be cruel and unforgiving, and those who wander out onto the battlefield would be well advised to know their enemies.

This is amusing as hell. Some of the better entries: Admin, Bong, Nanny, Cyber Sisters, Eagle Scout, Evil Clown, Issues, Jekyl and Hyde, Rebel Leader, Royals, Ideologue, and Target. - Flame Warriors

The Onion 2056
Topic: Humor 5:10 pm EDT, Jun 22, 2005

Almost didn't recommend it until I saw this in the Alerts box:

Your browser does not support ambient alpha wave memestreams. Concentrate here to upgrade.

The Onion 2056

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