As a preface to this piece, allow me to take some time to state, in bold faced print:

IF I AM EVER IN A VEGETATIVE STATE, OR ANY COMPARABLE STATE, NEVER EVER PULL THE PLUG! TAKE EVERY SINGLE EXTRAORDINARY MEASURE TO KEEP ME ALIVE, AND TO HELL WITH WHAT MY SPOUSE HAS TO SAY!!! (OF COURSE THE BITCH WOULD PROBABLY WANT ME DEAD!)*

*unless if I got into that state while trying to commit suicide. Then let me die. Hell, finish the job for me!

Now, America is polarized yet again. That's getting so commonplace in this "post September the 11th" (as Bushitter would say) that it almost makes me want to hop on a bicycle and hightail my ass to the lonely middle-ground of American sentiment. In this latest hot-button scenario, a husband and a biological family fight bitterly over the silent living corpse of a flesh-and-blood woman whose inability to speak up for herself has created a miasma of strong opinions in what amounts to a convoluted "right-to-die" case.

This case did not come to light recently (it's been going on for over ten years), but as time runs out in the life of Terri Schiavo (and she may be dead as of this writing), the media has turned the story into a circus (imagine that). With parents and siblings desperate to see their daughter live, and a husband desperate to turn a blind eye as she starves to death, The Schiavo-Schindler debacle has emerged as one of our more colorful reality shows of the season.

Here's a groovy perspective on things!

Michael Schiavo is a scumbag whose wife Terri went into this persistent vegetative state as a result of an eating disorder shortly after they married. I am willing to bet that this callous husband made Terri's weight an issue, causing her eating disorder. He is obviously not some knight in shining armor, since he left her bedside to go off and bang some other broad (who should write up a living will, if she hasn't already, since Mr. Schiavo has a history of voraciously chasing his spouse's demises).

Schiavo stands to make over one million dollars in profit from Terri's death. Not a bad haul for destroying someone's self-image, causing their anorexia, and then forcing her parents to watch her starve to death as he goes home, eats dinner, drinks some tasty beverages and gets laid with his new girl.

Meanwhile, the parents and siblings get to say goodbye to their daughter, lose faith in our court system's ability to protect life, and forever regret offering their sweetheart's hand in marraige to a scumbag.

Now, the pro-lifers, those ever-vigilant christian soldiers, can wring their hands in front of the hospice that houses the "dead woman sitting." They can pray their little prayers, beseech their puppet president, but all the Bush's horses and all the Bush's men cannot put a respect for life back in American again.

The lefties can sit back and allow her to starve, since liberals only protect things that can protect themselves (yet don't). They ignore the cases like this. Terri's life is not as important as a child-murderer on death row. They, like Pilot, wash their hands of her starvation-murder.

And Michael Schiavo can sit back, breath a sigh of relief, buy some nice things with Terri's blood money and wait until he dies to find his place in Hell. It would be rather ironic if some of these homicidal pro-lifers that usually bomb abortion clinics would kidnap him, crazy glue his mouth shut, and then tie him to a chair until he starves to death himself. But they aren't ever that cool.

Then again, maybe a particularly impressionable moral-psycho reads this essay...and a seed is planted...

RIP Terri Schiavo. We hardly knew ye!

By Bug.

Tonight the blood flowed and cigarettes scorched at the Brighton Bar in Long Branch, NJ when the Sniperz opened for Tilt A Whirl and the Millionaire Reverends. Jacko, the intrepid promoter for The Bridghton Bar in Long Branch, had the balls to put the Sniperz onstage again, after their raunchy January debut, and the ensuing madness set the stage for another night of truly gritty musical entertainment. With a stomache full of rum and veins full of...um...adrenaline (sure, sounds good), I entered the CB's by the Sea of Brigton Bar and proceeded to pay about five bucks for quality entertainment, yet again.

I remember seeing The Dickies here during my youth at this place, which ranks among the high points of my post-high school existence, but tonight's entertainment showcased some of the most wild punk rock madness that could take the sleepy Jersey Shore city to Hell.

As an opening band, the Sniperz fucked everything up. They showed up late, the lead singer seemed more wasted than Iggy Pop circa 1973, and the drummer was apparently their lead guitarist sitting in for erstwhile drummer Johnny Larkin (of The Golden Dawn). Going White Stripes' style (one guitarist/vocalist and one drummer/vocalist), the audio-terrorists blared through ten or eleven disgusting songs about AIDS, abortion, heroin, Ronald Reagan and sundry other terrifying topics with gleeful abandon and skilless hatred for their audience. Not since the days of Dead Boys and GG Allin has a band cared less about caring and more about offending.

Lead Vocalist/guitarist Patrick Vile fucked up his own songs, lost his pants mid-set, feigned (?) masturbation, broke at least two strings, and spewed all manner of anti-social lyrics and thoroughly demeaning stage patter before vomiting into a bag from dopesickness. Drummer Jay D smashed away at the kit like a lion on a hyena. His background vocals provided a healthy support to Splat's snotty ramblings in a way that evoked some of the most exemplary germs gigs.

Tilt a Whirl mercifully took the stage from the Ocean County kooks to provide a breezy, punkish sonic fest of soaring melodies until the Millionaire Reverends worked their primal, gospel-cum-stooges rhythms out over the crowd. In all, I wound up having to hang out with the biggest assholes that played that evening- the local boys Snipers (never knew hell was local). Never see this band. Never unless you want to get fucked till your're sore in the parking lot afterward, like I did. Check out the Millionaire Reverends and Tilt A Whirl, though. They won't puke or bleed on you.
-Ladybug

k wrote:
] ] Research has suggested that left-handed people are more
] ] susceptible to a range of problems, including allergies,
] ] auto-immune diseases, depression, drug abuse, epilepsy,
] ] schizophrenia and sleeping disorders.
] ]
] ]
] ] Left-handers are thought to have poorer spatial skills,
] ] and thus to be more vulnerable to car crashes and other
] ] serious accidents.
] ]
] ]
] ] However, a study published by The Lancet suggested there
] ] was no truth in the theory that left-handers are more
] ] likely to die prematurely.
]
] [ They left out the fact that we're better at everything else
] ;)
]
] Seriously though, this article's pretty light on content. All
] it says is that right and left handed people might view the
] world "differently" but they don't reveal any qualitative
] details. Differently how? Better or worse? I mean, I guess
] it means that if i get to choose which side of my brain takes
] a hit, i should chose the left side, so my language and visual
] skills aren't as badly fucked, but I'd like to know a lot
] more. -k]

The article seems slight, alright. Researchers who waste their time with things like this do none of us any favors. They probably need to take a hit to the right side of the brain. Maybe it would start working then. As far as you go, k, I must say that it sucks to find that we use the same hand to write with. I hate being in any classification that you are in. In fact, I am re-stringing my guitar right now. Time to convert to righty. Maybe my allergies, AIDS, depression, drug problem, schizophrenia, insomnia, and spatial challenges will all go away and I will drive better. Who knows?

RE: Left-handers have different view

Jersey shore spraypaint artist Doug Z's newest exhibit opened in his hometown of Belmar on Saturday night at Coffee Blue, a nice establishment run on a strange punk-rock ethic with beat undertones. Featured art included some strange and colorful abstract work and a painting of a woman with a horse protruding from her vagina. The musical acts were Patrick of the Snipers (who drank a bottle of cough syrup onstage and proceeded to antagonize Wall Twp's police force from the stage, imploring any in attendance to "go die"), Danny Matthews and Johnny Larkin of The Golden Dawn (whose tripped out set gave any and all stoners in the crowd something to soar with) and headliners Lonnie and Johnny of Sunshine Flipside, who actually managed to behave themselves and turn in one of the more potent performaces of their careers. Everybody played very well and the audience seemed enthralled by it all. Doug even sold a painting of a toaster.

Incidentally, if anyone is in the Long Brance, NJ area on February the Ninth, come on down to the Brighton Bar (www.brightonbar.com) and witness a rare spoken word performance from Professor Vile of Fabric Staircase Magazine. Reach out and lend an ear and eye to the man critics are calling "the next Lenny Bruce" and most acquaintances are simply calling "son of a bitch." The reason this appearance is rare lies in the fact that Vile is banned from most NJ area clubs due to his raunchy, highly political, sometimes violent, always outrageous performance art. Known for vomiting, dropping trou, decorating himself (and unlucky audience members) with his own blood, and entertaining fisticuffs with local celebrities, Professor Vile shows are always an extravaganza of audaciousness. Admission is three dollars (and well worth it) and the doors open at eight.

Dimebag Darrell Abbott, formerly of seminal 90's metal band Pantera and currently of Damageplan, was shot dead onstage during a gig in Ohio by the ultimate death metal posterboy Nathan Gale. Here are some key quotes from the article.

"witnesses reported hearing an accusation about Abbott breaking up his former band"

Officer James Niggemeyer, who, if I had his last name I would have had it legally changed. (this guy's just waiting for a racially charged police brutality case to come his way, and when it does, may god have mercy on his soul...and his name), shot the gunman to death, presumably due to the fact that Niggemeyer must have been a Pantera fan.

"The tall, physically imposing Gale hung out at Bears Den Tattoo Studio, staring at people and trying to get them to talk about music and bands, manager Lucas Bender said."

But here's the best part!

Dozens of messages were posted to the band's Web site after the shootings.

"This is the worst day in metal history," one posting read.

"The metal world feels your pain," another wrote.

"How dare this man try to stop the METAL!!!" wrote someone else.

"Dimebag will be back! You can't kill a man forever who had the metal pulsing through his veins!" The messages continued.

"He's down there with our lord and master satan, rocking out with Randy Rose, the Great White guy, and f**king OZZY man!" Referring to superstar Ozzy Ozbourne, who, all appearances aside, is not believed to be dead."

"This was a f**king awesome metal show, man! I never seen nothing so good. F**kin' A, man!" These writers were not available for further comment.

Metal World Reacts To Dimebag Darrell's Demise

Airdrop of paper 'birds of peace' is followed by bombings, shootings, and arson attacks.

A creative peace offering has been met with renewed violence in the troubled south of Thailand.
Hours after 50 Thai army planes dropped some 100 million Japanese-style origami cranes over the predominantly Muslim region Sunday, suspected Muslim militants shot dead a former prosecutor in Pattani province, reports The BBC.

On Monday morning four Thai troops were wounded when a bomb was detonated remotely by a mobile phone at a rest-stop for patrolling soldiers in Narathiwat province, reports The Associated Press. Hours later, writes AP, another bomb exploded nearby seriously injuring an assistant district chief as he parked his car

One bird folded and signed by Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra offered a scholarship if found by a child, or a job for an adult. The cranes could also be exchanged for food as The Bangkok Post reports

Twenty cranes can be exchanged for one egg, 50 cranes for 1kg of sugar or rice. All cranes collected would be given to authorities who will boil them and mix with lime to build a monument to peace

Air Drop of Origami Birds Met With Violence In Southern Thailand.

WOODBRIDGE, N.J. - First came fruits. Even a short lecture on Vitamin C, folic acid and potassium couldn't keep fourth-grade fingers from grabbing up orange slices.

Good. These little bastards shouldn't be such fat, gluttonous pieces of garbage.

Field trip aims to make vegetables attractive

When one realizes what utter gutterscum make up our list of current celebrities, the mind reels as the stomach empties. What's more, there exists a whole cadre of talented, eager, and interesting young actors, singers, artists, writers, pundits and personalities who have spent years starving and taking wait staff jobs while a group of spoiled, stupid, vain and ungrateful twits have hijacked popular culture towards their own ends. Witness the rash of non-talents railing against the paparazzi's supposed "invasion" of their so-called privacy that has steadily grown to a head (like a zit) over the past two decades. Now, the first example I can find of a bratty celebrity lashing out against the work-a-day pressmen would be Sean Penn, who was sued back in the 80's for punching a photographer. There have been other skirmishes, lawsuits (Claudia Schiffer sued over pics taken of her sunbathing topless in the 1990's, but models might be too stupid to realize that you shouldn't do such a thing in public, so it doesn't count).

The latest celebrity to bravely take on people who make far less money annually is the perennial enemy of the press Cameron Diaz.
She's been in the news twice this year, and neither scoop related to her acting abilities. Back in the spring, she had her lawyer send a cease and desist letter to a website which aired topless footage of her taken back before she rose to fame (courtesy of The Mask, a Jim Carey vehicle which used computer animation to make him look weirder than he really does and used lots of makeup and lighting to make her look hotter than she really does). Apparently, history is revisionist for a celebrity of her stature (note the use of the word "celebrity," not "actress), so when she whored her breasts out in desperation early on, we are supposed to censor the images and forget it ever happened, whereas many other women's mammaries have wound up on the net courtesy of jilted ex-boyfriends, but you never hear of a lawsuit pertaining to these. (Celebrities are "special," probably in the developmentally disabled meaning of the word). With her shameful past censored and her born-again modesty upheld, she plunged forward, making more headlines over her relationship with a boy ten years her junior.

Now, she's back in the press again (sorry no new good movie or anything) after getting into a very dignified shoving match with papparazzo Saul Lazo, who was trying to take a picture of the "star" and her little boyfriend as they walked to their car from Hollywood's trendy Chateau Marmont hotel on Nov 6. The bleach blonde bimbo apparently whacked him in the neck and stole his camera, in her very dignified celebrity way. She and Justin Timberlake (the boy wonder, star of Backstreet Boys and gay porn) are claiming self-defense, since so many celebrities have been murdered, beaten, robbed and raped by cameras, presumbably.

Cameron and Justin are not alone. Kim Jong Il's favorite son Alec Baldwin h... [ Read More (0.4k in body) ]

GREENSBURG, La. - Beavers found a bag of bills stolen from a casino, tore it open and wove the money into the sticks and brush of their dam on a creek near Baton Rouge.

"They hadn't torn the bills up. They were still whole," said Maj. Michael Martin of the East Feliciana Parish Sheriff's Office.

And it only goes to show you that Beavers respect and understand the value of cash more than some people. Why bother with a bank? Beavers do just as good of a job investing your money in construction endeavers that won't go the way of Whitewater.

Busy Beavers Build Dam With Stolen Dough

Nice guy. Cool guy. It's a shame to see him go. It's one thing when a scumbag like Tupac or Biggie gets it for being a piece of shit. It's another thing entirely when your message was positive, you were a nice, rather humble fellow, and you drop dead before your time. He will be missed. Wonder what he's cooking up right now with Jammaster Jay. Guess we will have to wait a while to find out.