Why do people sign up for this stupid site, Facebook?
Does anyone really desire to keep in touch with their "friends" that badly?
I liked it better, in the old days, where I could see my pals decline in easily digestible chunks, chomped down over time when I would see them in the mall and realize how miserable they looked, how annoying their girlfriends seemed, how beaten they'd gotten.
It made me feel better about myself.
It made me feel godlike.
It made me into the sort of guy who would walk into a supermarket in the middle of the night and do my shopping without having to run into them at all.
Until Facebook runs a special on canned ham that matches that of Wegmans, I want no damned part of it. And I don't want to watch my friends turn to shit in slo-mo.
I want to do it with time lapse, but until then, I will settle for running into them in the mall.
And I don't want access to anyone's personal information any more than I'd want someone to have access to mine, but if Facebook wants to give my home phone number to Goldman Sachs or Wal Mart, then I expect phone sex from them.
"Hello, this is Elaine, customer service representative for Wal Mart, calling!"
"We want to know what color panties you are wearing right now! This is a courtesy call."
"I don't wear panties. I am a guy."
"Well, what are you doing with your hands right now? Are you wet? We have a sale this month on Scott Toilet Tissue. I'm so hot for you right now. A dozen rolls for $2.79. I want you to bend me over. Jolly Green giant snow peas, 56 cents a can! Fuck me."
"Those are some pretty good deals."
"Oh baby, I want you so bad...I'm about to explode. T Bone steaks, $6.05 a pound. Pound me with your bone...We appreciate your patronage at your local Wal Mart. Be sure to check out our large selection of five dollar DVDs, and cum all over my face."
Well, I have officially returned to memestreams, and in a goodwill gesture to Tom Cross, I have decided to tone down the act a little. Granted, a layman's eye may find itself unable to discern the difference, since my blog posts have still tended towards cruel pranks (Neil Young Dead at 66), libelous humor (Fat Chris Christie...) and outright diatribes (California, Hold thy Tongue), but I HAVE, in my defense resisted personal attacks on other users of the site, death threats against celebrities and the sort of invective I once tossed around this internet tool the way one would shoot Iraqis under General Schwarzkopf (or Iriquois under General Jackson).
Yes, I have turned over a new leaf, as has memestreams! No longer do I have to read about how Kerry is better than Bush, simply because after two years of Obama, we see that both parties are really the same damn thing, where it counts. That was my point all along.
I believe in free thought, and those whose thoughts remain shackled shall face the brunt of their own wrath. My only drive is to make fun of our lame culture in 2011.
I am sure our lame culture won't leave me lacking for material.
Fat Chris Christie Fights the Obesity of Others...
8:16 pm EST, Feb 27, 2011
So I reckon Michelle Obama sits around, forcibly drugged on valium and thorazine so that she doesn't kick her husband right in the ass for being such a turncoat to anyone but Republicans, robber barons and Wall Street.
Rather than tackle poverty or inequality or the fact that our nation keeps falling into the sewers faster than one can say "one term," our first lady has kills time like a schoolyard bully picking on fat kids.
"You kids are fat, and that means you can't serve in the military for us, so skip dessert, eat a bowl of rice a day and live your life like a North Korean peasant. Here's your green smock. They only come in one size, so lose weight, you fat little shit." She says to the youth of America.
One kid raises his hand.
"Miss Obama! All we can afford are fatty, undernourishing foods like McDonalds and the shit they sell at Aldi because my dad lost his job three years ago, your husband is forcing us to buy health insurance and he took all our money to help banks and the wealthy in their quest to fuck 99% of our nation. Oh, and I forgot about the OBAMA tax cuts. We used to call them the Bush tax cuts, until your husband embraced them, while telling us he didn't embrace them, but passed them anyway. I mean, if starving to death on some days while gorging on trans-fat laden chemical beef helped allow gays to serve in the military, then it's all worth it. I call that a fair trade-off."
"You are mistaken, on one point, kid" The first lady says, "We let the rich have the Obama tax cut so that the middle class could retain their tax cut, too."
"Um...what's the middle class?" The kid shifts in his desk, which cracks and whines under his girth.
"It's this family that lives in Illinois, down the block from where we used to live. They make sixty thousand dollars per year. Do you really want to see them pay more in taxes?"
The kid slumps over onto his desk, dead of a heart attack.
At least Chris Christie, the teacher-hating governor of New Jersey supports poor, drugged up, silenced Michelle in her quest to help make every man, woman and child, gay or straight, physically fit enough to die overseas in the courageous act of protecting the wealthy people in our nation.
Chris Christie says: "I think it's a really good goal to encourage kids to eat better. I've struggled with my weight for 30 years. And it's a struggle. And if a kid can avoid that in his adult years or her adult years, more power to them. And I think the first lady is speaking out well,"
So, when it's Michelle Obama, who seems relatively fit, telling you that you are a fat fuck, it is easy to dismiss the sentiments as bullying.
Now, when a big, porcine slob such as Chris Christie calls you a fat fuck, at least you know that he knows what he is talking about. He is one of the most morbidly obese people I have ever seen! The local press ran a picture of him in shorts and a white (sweaty) t-shirt picking strawberries, a few months ago. He looked like a bucket of shit! He was so fat that if he fell over, you just know he couldn't get back up again. So fat that his wife would suffocate while attempting to give him a blowjob!
I urge all of you to email the office of Chris Christie, governor of New Jersey and ask him when was the last time he saw his dick! You can tell that fucker pisses all over the seat and then leaves it there.
I hate food critics. I hate anything served "California style." Why?
Glad you asked.
The linked article very poorly attempts to make the case that chef Adam Fleischman's Umami Burger is the best in America. I say BULLSHIT! From what I gather, this hamburger is simply a regular hamburger loaded to the gills with MSG. Wow, sounds great!
America has recently fucked up the hamburger on every level, and the most fucked up food always originates in California, where something about the air mutates the taste buds in horrible ways.
When I order a hamburger, I want grilled or griddle-cooked beef on a toasted bun with chopped onion and ketchup. I don't want lettuce, mayonnaise, wasabi mustard, feta cheese, avocado, or any fucking "secret sauce" unless the secret is that they use fucking ketchup.
Californians need to put all this pretentious shit on their food. What the fuck is wrong with a normal slice of pizza? NOTHING! It doesn't need a goddam thing that a three-hundred years dead Italian didn't already think to put on it!
America, stop fucking up your food! Invent a whole new pretentious meal if you wish, but leave standards alone!
And another thing, if your fucking burger patty is so thick that you can't even bite into both sides of the bun and the burger in one bite, then it's too fucking big!!! It's not enjoyable anymore. If you are a fat, overeating fuck, then order two or three or twenty man-sized burgers or just jump into the water and subsist on thousands of pounds of Krill, each day.
Fuck California Pizza Kitchen, too. That's a tale for another day.
R.I.P. Neil Young Dead at 66!!!! Rock World Mourns!
6:15 am EST, Feb 16, 2011
Neil Young has passed away at 66, in news sure to sadden all fans of rock music. From his early years in The Mynah Birds with the late "Superfreak" singer Rick James, through his years in such notable rock and folk outfits as Buffalo Springfield, Crosby Stills Nash and Young to his decades long partnership with hard-psych-rock band Crazy Horse, Neil Young made shitloads of albums, toured constantly and even found the time to direct such cool art films as Human Highway, Greendale, and Rust Never Sleeps. He will be missed.
Well, after a long stretch in Federal Prison for decapitating my neighbor and feeding her remains to this panhandler who apparently wasn't lying all those times he told me he needed "to get something to eat" I have returned to www.memestreams.net. And while some of you may know that I have always had half of a love-hate relationship with the memestreams concept and community, I might say that this site, upon reflection, is nowhere near as stupid and shitty as Facebook, Twitter, Myspace or most of the other inanely named pieces of shit littering the side of the information superhighway.
So, in exchange for your forgiveness, I offer you...
The recipe for Coca Cola.
The recipe: Fluid extract of Coca: 3 drams USP Citric acid: 3 oz Caffeine: 1 oz Sugar: 30 (unclear quantity) Water: 2.5 gal Lime juice: 2 pints, 1 quart Vanilla: 1 oz Caramel: 1.5 oz or more for color
The secret 7X flavor (use 2 oz of flavor to 5 gals syrup): Alcohol: 8 oz Orange oil: 20 drops Lemon oil: 30 drops Nutmeg oil: 10 drops Coriander: 5 drops Neroli: 10 drops Cinnamon: 10 drops
Go make millions! I'd advise you to put the cocaine back in the stuff, though. That'll give it an edge the other cola makers don't have.
Herman Miller, the office furniture company responsible for the Eames Easy Chair and the very popular Herman Miller Aeron Chair, is widely know to have invented the office cubicle. However, not many people realize that they also had a hand in bringing David Cronenberg's vision of William S. Burrough's novel Naked Lunch to the screen in 1991.
In the film, the character Tom Frost has a shape-shifting talking insectoid typewriter called "Martinelli", and this impressive special effect was designed by Herman Miller, whom Cronenberg approached with the idea after noticing the distinct design of their office furniture. He felt that the furniture had insect-like qualities which could benefit the look of the film.
I cannot bring myself to elect a woman to the office of vice-president who would be so callous as to sell the retarded fruit of her loins to a perfect stranger on E-bay! Look out, memestreams community. All truth aside, this video is rather amusing. Research its history and credits at your leisure.
He did nothing on September 11th, except reflect the sun off of his shining bald head. He's an incestuous, philandering, psychopathic pig. Each night I pray for his fatal heart attack. He is a republican of convenience, a buck-toothed, mush-mouthed, lisping, stuttering douchebag, and he would destroy this world, if given the chance. He is everything that the staunchest Bush-bashers feared W. would be. Guiliani and Romney may well be in the run up to the Republican Veep spot, but they are decidedly in the running for the Anti-Christ spot.
I hope they both choke.
Rudy Giuliani was a hated mayor with no experience on any level of national importance. NOTHING. Unlike Obama, Rudy chickened out of facing down Hillary Clinton. He is a coward. He is a fraud. He has made millions of dollars and garnered much undeserved goodwill by exploiting the victims of 911. If he had done his job in a truly dignified way, Many police, EMTs and Firefighters would still be alive today.
He, like a vampire, sucks on their blood and memories for personal gain.
Fuck him. He's a disgrace to humanity and America and the bastard should be strapped down to a chair and forced to confront all of the evil he left in his wake.
Classless. Nice combover, asshole. I'd love to kick your ass.
If one is a conspiracy theorist of the first order, I wish to cut through the B.S. and pleasantry (aren't they the same anyway) to let the public learn of some hard facts regarding non-wartime murders possibly committed through the orders and/or actions of unscrupulous, racist, immoral and psychotic rebel carpetbaggers who once ran our nation into 9/11, future recessions and Bush presidencies (Jeb '12). The Clintons have a history of leaving questionable death in their wake. Let's look up Ron Brown, the Ives and Henry murders, the Waco murders, the Ruby Ridge murders, Vince Foster's suicide, Bill Gwatney, Tim Russert, Mary Mahoney, AND, in no particular order:
C. Victor Raiser II - & - Montgomery Raiser: Major players in the Clinton fund raising organization died in a private plane crash in July 1992.
Paul Tulley - Democratic National Committee Political Director found dead in a hotel room in Little Rock, September 1992. Described by Clinton as a "Dear friend and trusted advisor".
Ed Willey - Clinton fund raiser, found dead November 1993 deep in the woods in Virginia of a gunshot wound to the head. Ruled a suicide. Ed Willey died on the same day his wife Kathleen Willey claimed Bill Clinton groped her in the oval office in the White House. Ed Willey was involved in several Clinton fund raising events.
Jerry Parks - Head of Clinton's gubernatorial security team in Little Rock. Gunned down in his car at a deserted intersection outside Little Rock. Park's son said his father was building a dossier on Clinton. He allegedly threatened to reveal this information. After he died the files were mysteriously removed from his house.
James Bunch - Died from a gunshot suicide. It was reported that he had a "Black Book" of people containing names of influential people who visited prostitutes in Texas and Arkansas.
James Wilson - Was found dead in May 1993 from an aparent hanging suicide. He was reported to have ties to Whitewater.
Kathy Ferguson - Ex-wife of Arkansas Trooper Danny Ferguson died in May 1994 was found dead in her living roon with a gunshot to her head. It was ruled a suicide even though there were several packed suitcases, as if she was going somewhere. Danny Ferguson was a co-defendant along with Bill Clinton in the Paula Jones lawsuit. Kathy Ferguson was a possible corroborating witness for Paula Jones.
Bill Shelton - Arkansas state Trooper and fiancee of Kathy Ferguson. Critical of the suicide ruling of his fiancee, he was found dead in June, 1994 of a gunshot wound also ruled a suicide at the gravesite of his fiancee.
Gandy Baugh - Attorney for Clinton friend Dan Lassater died by jumping out a window of a tall building January, 1994. His client was a convicted drug distributor.
Florence Martin - Accountant - Sub-contractor for the CIA related to the Barry Seal Mena Airport drug smuggling case. Died of three gunshot wounds.
Suzanne Coleman - Reportedly had an affair wi... [ Read More (0.5k in body) ]